1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
