it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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