She is in my trunk
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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