Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
