remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
