Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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