He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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