I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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