My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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