she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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