i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
