we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
