So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
