there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we should paint friendship bongs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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