If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dating After Heartbreak
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background