this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia