i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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