real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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