dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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