I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
