STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
