My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
