You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
