She is in my trunk
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
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last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
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i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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