im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
