My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
