i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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