he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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