actually, I'm a sock model
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
