ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
