Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day