i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?