I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups