You just made me feel so damn special
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face