chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight