my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
