WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life