yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though