My brain says no but my pants say off.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.