Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
