Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
