We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
