The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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