I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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