Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
