Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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