i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles