theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful