just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake