butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital