I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls