Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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