I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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