Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
