Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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