Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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