i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
