i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize