all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude