my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder