Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens

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(210): cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens http://tfl.nu/njf7

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(205): View more from Alabama

I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed

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(205): I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed http://tfl.nu/lr4z

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(516): View more from New York

His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

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(516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub

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(804): View more from Virginia

don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

(1-804): View more from Virginia

couldn't find a condom?

(804): View more from Virginia

basically

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(804): don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you (1-804): couldn't find a condom? (804): basically http://tfl.nu/rfmp

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(336): View more from North Carolina

You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.

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(336): You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed. http://tfl.nu/k43u

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(734): View more from Michigan

We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."

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(734): We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing." http://tfl.nu/cqut

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(517): View more from Michigan

I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex

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(517): I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex http://tfl.nu/ieaq

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(317): View more from Indiana

They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.

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(317): They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me. http://tfl.nu/zjv5

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.

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(608): he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually. http://tfl.nu/qiv4

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(801): View more from Utah

"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.

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(801): "Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much. http://tfl.nu/4lhq

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(210): View more from Texas

Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.

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(210): Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night. http://tfl.nu/v64u

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(250): View more from British Columbia

some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF

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(250): some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF http://tfl.nu/zk16

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�

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(215): Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon� http://tfl.nu/ciq0

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You went home with a man in a loincloth

(914): View more from New York

I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???

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(952): You went home with a man in a loincloth (914): I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween??? http://tfl.nu/0bv2

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(925): View more from California

I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.

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(925): I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m. http://tfl.nu/avly

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