I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale