So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist