I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
