Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
